Dark Cloud

This post is difficult for me to write but lately I been reading other blogs sharing their life story and I would like to share my story.

Where do I start… I have never written any of my thoughts down about the sexual abuse and abuse I have endured in my lifetime.

I grew up in NSW with my two brothers, one sister and my parents. I was the youngest, we lived in a quiet friendly street, and we knew everyone in our street. My parents thought we were safe so my parents thought there no need kept eyes on us when we were playing in our street.

I was happy go lucky little girl, then at 5 years old my life turned upside down, I was playing in our street and one of boys walked over to me, (call him A) he was 12 years old, he asked me to follow him and he sexually assaulted me, this went on every day. A stopped when I was 7 or 8 years old. I did not tell my family.

In between of getting sexual abuse from A, my sister was changing, I shared a bedroom with her, I was 6 years old. Each night before bed she would tell me stuff that scared me, I was shaking and could not sleep, around 7 years old, each night I had to sleep where my sister told me to and if I did not do what she told me I would die.

When I was 9 years old I was started to get suicidal thoughts.

10 years old I was sexually assaulted again, I was sleeping over a friend place and my friend’s brother had a friend staying the night, later that night my friend and brother forced the boy to have sex with me. The next day I told my mother what happened and she took me to a doctor and I started seeing a counsellor.

My parents decided to move to QLD to start a fresh life, everything did not go perfect as my parents hope for.

My sister started hitting me each day and causing trouble, my father turns to alcohol. Every night there was yelling in our house. My sister decided to target me each day with objects, each day she would hit me across my head with wood, saucepan, anything she could grab. Then she decide to start stabbing me with pen, knifes etc.

I was diagnosed with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder at 11 year old.

My sister ended up in a mental hospital and my parents spilt up when I was 13 years old. I moved with my mother to a new town to start fresh life.

I’m going to break this post into parts.

Thanks for reading.

posted on May 1, 2012 Posted in Depression, Life

Comments

  1. Lisa says:
    2 May, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Wow, you have been through a lot in your life. Thanks for being brave enough to share your story with others.

    The thing I love about blogging is that is allows bloggers to connect and share. We all draw on each other’s strengths and grow from each other’s experiences.

    I am going to stay tuned for the rest of your story. I pray strength for you to continue to go forward.
    Lisa recently posted..7 Days of Mother’s Day Gift Ideas {Day 2}

  2. Wanderlust says:
    2 May, 2012 at 3:50 am

    Lisa, you are so brave to share your story. I’m so very sorry for all you went through. I also experienced sexual assault as a child and wrote about it (the truths we can and cannot bear). Healing can be a long and many layered process. I’m not sure where you’re at in that process, I’m new to your blog. But I hear you and feel for you, even all these years later. I wish you much healing, peace and love. Kristin
    Wanderlust recently posted..What I Remember

  3. Ai Sakura says:
    4 May, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Hi Lisa.. you are a strong lady to come out and tell us your story. I’m sorry to hear that your childhood innocence was robbed from you. I have a young child, almost 3 now, and I really can’t bear to think of any of this happening to her.. or to any other child.
    Ai Sakura recently posted..Because the Music Matters | Monster Cable 2012 Collection Launch

  4. Toushka Lee says:
    4 May, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    how do you feel after writing that all down? I hope it has helped take some of it off your shoulders.
    Sending love and healing <3
    Toushka Lee recently posted..Things I Know About Elephants

    • Becoming - Mum says:
      6 May, 2012 at 6:13 pm

      Thanks Toushka, I feel ok after sharing, i was bit worry about posting the post but it help me.

  5. Grace says:
    5 May, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Oh, Lisa. I hope that your blog, your space, will be a sanctuary for you to express what you’ve been feeling and what you’ve experienced. Sending you love and a big hug.
    Grace recently posted..A Mama’s no-brainer {Survey promotion and chance to win a grand prize worth $5,000}

  6. Karen says:
    6 May, 2012 at 10:20 am

    Hey lovely Lisa,
    You are so brave for sharing your story. I hope too that it has helped in the healing process. x

  7. misssrobin says:
    6 May, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I know the dark cloud well. I know the fear and shame that controls. I know the sense of loss and the confusion.

    I am so sorry you had these experiences. You are not alone. And I am so proud of you for sharing your story.

    Feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to talk to (if only through email). I hope this writing brings additional healing and freedom. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this night.

    Stopping by from SITS.
    misssrobin recently posted..Post-it Note Therapy

  8. April says:
    8 May, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I’m visiting from SITS Spring Fling. So very sorry to hear about all that you’ve endured over the years. It takes a lot of courage to open up and share your story. I commend you for that.