One Day At Time

What I’m going to share in this blog post is going to be sensitive.
Please read on if you like.

I have not shared my story about losing my baby… My husband does not know the full story.

My story…

When I was 15 and a half I was pregnant, before I fell pregnant I was abused each day by the father, I was living on edge each day, most days I did not see sunshine or night, while I was inside I was getting hit, and ordered what to do. Then I found I was pregnant I did not know what to do, I was alone, I had no family no one. Each day was getting bad for me. Ex’s mother bought a puppy I loved, I had a little friend who I talked to each day. Ex started work and doing drugs I was still not allowed to leave the house. Well we were not living in a house we were in 1 hotel room with bathroom and kitchen was part of our bedroom I had nowhere to go. Only time I was alone was when I was in the shower, ex’s mother stayed in the room while he worked. At 4 months pregnant I did not want to live but I took each day has it come hopefully I could escape from the hell I was living.

At 6 months pregnant I went for a scan to found out if I was having a girl or boy, the scan show I was having a baby girl. I enjoyed feeling her kicking and I talked to her all the time.

Each time I cry because I was hurting I used to get bashed so I learn to not have tears any more.

I was in living hell but did not know what to do, I was confused.

One day I was waiting for the ex to arrive home from work, I wish the day never come, ex was off his face and ready to hurt me bad I saw it in his eye’s.

But I was spared for half hour :( ex turn to the dog and started to hurt the dog I stepped in and I got thrown to the ground, I was on floor and ex picked the dog up and rub the dog in my face and the dog took its last breath, I thought I was going to die next.

I was still on the ground and ex starting kicking me in my tummy and near my vaginal Area, I felt my baby kick then no more kick’s, I knew she was gone :( I was spared my life but I did not want to live any more I lost everything in that room that day.

Lucky I finally got a hold of a friend and he took me in while I found somewhere safe.
To this day I’m still having problems, each time Daniel raise his arm to hug me I get scared, I still can’t cry with tears, I can’t go to the shop by myself. My brother or Daniel has to come with me. I’m still suffering. We are having trouble with conceiving because of what happen, I wish I could turn back time.

I still thinking about my baby girl, I love you sorry I could not protect you.

I’m very grateful for Daniel sticking by me while I still struggle. Someday I don’t want to wake up because of the pain I have…

One wish I have is for children with Daniel. I’m hoping soon it’ll happen for us.

Baby girl I know you be with our other angels in heaven.
Love mummy.

Thanks for reading.

posted on May 21, 2011 Posted in Infertility, Life, Stories About

Happiness Project

The past month I’ve been taking part in Naomi from Seven Cherubs Happiness Project. The idea was each day to record and write one sentence on what has made me feel happy or grateful during that day.

10th April to 15th April
I did not write anything

16th April
Hearing Daniel saying to me ‘I love you Babe’, everything is going to be fine soon. I fell grateful I have someone who Love me no matter what.

17th April
Nice sunny day, outside playing with Jasmine. She’s a crazy dog. :)

18th April
Grateful to have my brother here.

19th April
Feeling happy about everything today. Thinking happy thoughts.

20th April
Today I went out by myself to test out my new camera, it was very peaceful.

21st April
I look at Daniel and Jasmine and I feel grateful to have them.

22nd April
Today Daniel, Jasmine and I spent a day in the shed building a table.

23rd April to 27th April

I did not write anything

28th April
Looking at our wedding photos, happy times

29th April
Resting on Daniels chest, hearing his heart beat.

30th April
Had a date with Daniel ;)

1st May
had a lovely day with Daniel.

2nd May
Today we talk about Trying, we decide to start trying again after 4 months break. Feeling happy.

3rd May
Today I feeling grateful.

4th May
Grateful to have my Psychologist

5th May
Laying next to Daniel while he was touching my face, telling me I’m beautiful.

6th May
Watching a movie with Daniel, eating pop corn and chocolate was a nice night.

7th May
More building stuff, love sitting in the shed with Daniel and Jasmine building stuff.

8th May
Drinking a coffee with Daniel while the sun shines, put a smile on my face

9th May
Very cold day, love snuggle with Daniel.

10th May
Grateful for Digital Parents for the connect of lovely women out there.

When I joined Naomi Happiness Project, I wasn’t sure about joining in, then I commented on Naomi post and said I’m joining. The first week was hard for me, I didn’t have nothing that I was happy about or grateful about until the 16th of April. I was going to email Naomi telling her I won’t be joining in any more but I forgot to. I happy I did not send the email, I’m really happy I did this little project.

Thanks Naomi.

posted on May 15, 2011 Posted in Life, Stories About

Trying to Conceive Update

In December we decided to put trying on hold because Daniel was away for 4 weeks without me, it was a very hard time for both of us. When Daniel came home from his holiday we decided not to try, I was not in the right mind and the first month on clomid was hard for both of us.

I wish we conceived on our first cycle of clomid but deep down I knew already we would not.

We did not receive a new appointment from the GYNO. I was not in the right mind so I did not worry about ringing them.

Since I took clomid and Primolut N I have had my period every month but not a normal period, lasting for few days and only spotting. I talked to my gp about my period and he told me I should talk to the GYNO about it not him.

Last month I decided to contact the gyno to see if I can get an appointment to start trying again. My next appointment is tomorrow but I don’t know if I will take clomid yet.

On Wednesday I saw my gp, I told him my period is out of whack this month, he told me to take a pregnancy test, I visited the nurse I did the pee test, then the nurse said after 10 minute waiting ‘are you happy that the pregnancy test was negative’ um oh yes I’m happy…. yeah right, I was fucking devastated you silly women :( Hopefully I don’t see her for while I could say few words to her(grrrrrr).

On to a vent….

You dickhead… there is a house getting build next door where we live, today I was getting ready to go out, I noticed the fence was not right, I went out to check it out since we leave Jasmine outside or inside when we go out. There was boards Missing, I decide to leave jasmine inside.

After I came home I let jasmine outside while I was getting in to my pjs, when I was about to get undressed I had a bad feeling so I went to check on jasmine she was about to get out of the fence I called her in. I was waiting for Daniel to come home from work. He went to fix the fence he noticed there was string, it was around the pole for a boundary line, he cut the sting. It turn out the builder next door took of some of out fence and put the sting on our fence. WTF?? the fence is not on their side. Tonight Daniel going to write a letter to them. I can’t believe they did this… Jasmine could have got out, she could have run away or got hit by a car. I had tears… I would like to take a visit to them tomorrow and tell them what for but we are going out to the gyno.

What would you do if this happened to you? How would you feel if someone put your fur-baby at risk?

posted on May 12, 2011 Posted in Infertility, Stories About

TRON Legacy Giveaway: We Have a Winner!

Thanks everyone who entered the giveaway.

And the lucky winner is…

Kim

 

Congratulations Kim!

The winner has been emailed.

I have another review and giveaway for another Disney movie. I’ll be watching the movie in the next few days.

posted on May 11, 2011 Posted in Blog

Review & Giveaway: TRON Legacy

This is a guest post from my husband (Daniel).

Daniel was happy I signed up to do a review on TRON: Legacy.

While we were watching TRON I fell asleep, I was really tired. From what I saw it was a great movie. On the weekend we might watch it again.

Storyline -

Sam Flynn, the tech-savvy 27-year-old son of Kevin Flynn, looks into his father’s disappearance and finds himself pulled into the same world of fierce programs and gladiatorial games where his father has been living for 20 years. Along with Kevin’s loyal confidant, father and son embark on a life-and-death journey across a visually-stunning cyber universe that has become far more advanced and exceedingly dangerous.

Trailer for TRON

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9szn1QQfas

Daniel thoughts on the movie  -

I really enjoyed this move there was plenty of action & i loved the storyline. I could say more but really I just think the best way to experience the movie is to watch it yourself.

TRON Legacy is available on DVD & Blu-Ray now.

GIVEAWAY:

Closed

Disclosure: I received a complimentary review copy of the DVD courtesy of Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment via Aussie Mummy Bloggers. No financial payment was offered nor accepted for this post. All opinions expressed are purely my own.

posted on May 4, 2011 Posted in Product Reviews